All That I'm After is a Life Full of Laughter

Well I am still feeling blue.

What can I say? I am lonely, bored and I miss all my LA people really bad. And Im still trying to cope with Fen not being here. I still have not made any friends up here. Robby has already made a few friends at his work. I know no one but his parents. And since I do not have my license yet, I am stuck at the apartment all day by myself unless its Robby's day off or his parents are free to drive me somewhere which these days is rare.

I only go in to Petco once a week for my training, so I have not really had anytime to get to know any of the people that work there.

I feel a little bit worse every day. I am trying really hard to hide it from Robby because I don't want him to worry about me or anything. I have gotten myself down before but this has to be one of the worst times for me.

As for my diet, its failing miserably right now. I fell off the wagon yet again. its just hard to be healthy when you feel mentally unhealthy you know? Maybe I am just meant to be a fatass.

I just want to be happy and be able to laugh again and actually mean it. I know I can get through this. But at the moment it feels hopeless.

The vet is coming out tomorrow to check out Cooper and see what the heck is making him lame. I really hope that it is something that can be fixed and won't cost a billion dollars. If something happens to this horse I have no clue how Ill be able to handle it. He is so young and it would suck if it were something that would haunt him the rest of his life.

I visited Cooper yesterday like I always do. And he was bright and happy to see us as usual. But still Lame. I took him to the arena and made him do some ground work to see if maybe it is something he works out of. Nope still dead lame. We shall see what the vet says tomorrow. When I find out if he can be helped or not Ill decide what day I am going to move him to the new ranch.

I guess ill spend the rest of the day watching tv. nothing else to really do.

I noticed that the clouds are grey today. I guess it matches my mood today.

Sigh