I keep going back and forth about my feelings on moving up here. One minute I am so happy! I look at Robby and just see that he is happier here. Then I think about how lonely I truly am.
This is all things I just have to get use to I guess. I know ill eventually make friends and not be trapped in this mental prison. But eventually feels like an eternity.
Yesterday I got on Kooper for the first time in a couple weeks. I had Robby lead him around just in case. I practiced stopping and moving forward and he was perfect. I kept feeling guilty the whole time I was riding him because of how fat I am. Uhhh yuck. But he did amazing and I see his potential shining through!
Today was kind of a boring day. I spent some time with Robby’s mom which is always nice. But I still felt so empty inside. I spent almost the whole day doing laundry at Robby’s mom’s place. I thought it would be a good idea to do it there since it would be free. But since I did not have the ability to use multiple machines at once, It took me nearly all day. We ended up barely finishing it as the day light was turning in for the day. Which means I failed at getting Kooper worked. It was totally almost dark by the time I finished and I don’t feel safe going at our ranch at night, even with Robby there. I better not miss any more ranch days for a while or this horse will never get trained. I really hope that this did not mess up the progress I have made in the past couple of days.
With the horse not getting worked, It made me feel like a failure. Then I started to dwell on other things that make me feel like a failure, such as my current weight. I am really slowly getting back to being on the obese side. I go on facebook and see pictures of all my naturally skinny friends and it makes me sad. I also look at Robby who can eat whatever he wants and I turn green with envy. Yet I think about eating a burger and I gain 5 pounds. I keep trying to diet and do online programs. But none of it works for me. The only thing that ever worked and gave me confidence was going in for weekly weight watchers meetings. I would love to start doing that again but I need a reliable ride to make the same meeting every week. And I am going to make it work even if I have to take the bus! And I hate taking the bus alone….
On another note I just can’t stop thinking about owning a dog. I am truly a dog person! Always have been. Every time I see someone walking a dog my heart melts and then I feel sad because I want one so badly. I would give anything to have one! I would feel so much better if I had a dog. I know it would not solve all my emotional issues I am having right now. But I would feel SO MUCH BETTER! And there definitely would be a spring in my step. Dear God if you are there, please bless me with a canine friend. I would be eternally grateful and happy. I will do anything for a dog!
Anyway I am going to bed.
Hopefully I’ll wake up and there will be a puppy on my doorstep...
sigh
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I Think Mother Nature is a Little Confused
Well it is really hot out these days. And the crazy thing is it is a couple days away from being October. And that’s when it is suppose to be cooler out. It has been over ninety-five in the freaking bay area! I live by the coast for heavens’ sake! It should be illegal for it to be this hot by the coast. Anyway this is one of the few times I’m happy I am not in LA. It was over a 113 degrees! Yuck!
And the worst part of all this is that my apartment does not have air conditioning! Who needs air conditioning when you live by the coast? Apparently we do.
Well in all of this heat I still managed to get Kooper worked. Robby and I went there yesterday at around six when it started to cool down. I did some more ground driving. I think it is just about time to start him back under saddle. I just want to wait till he gets his shoe put back on. But we will see. I was so tempted to just hop right on yesterday. He was so calm, he was practically begging for me to hop on lol.
The move to the new ranch is coming up. I am very excited about this. But I did not find a trailer to take me unfortunately so it looks like ill be walking Kooper there. I just hope I do not get lost. As I am new to the area and am still learning how to get places.
Not too much more to report
Not that anyone cares since only four people are subscribed to this blog and two of them are Robby’s accounts lol.
Tata
And the worst part of all this is that my apartment does not have air conditioning! Who needs air conditioning when you live by the coast? Apparently we do.
Well in all of this heat I still managed to get Kooper worked. Robby and I went there yesterday at around six when it started to cool down. I did some more ground driving. I think it is just about time to start him back under saddle. I just want to wait till he gets his shoe put back on. But we will see. I was so tempted to just hop right on yesterday. He was so calm, he was practically begging for me to hop on lol.
The move to the new ranch is coming up. I am very excited about this. But I did not find a trailer to take me unfortunately so it looks like ill be walking Kooper there. I just hope I do not get lost. As I am new to the area and am still learning how to get places.
Not too much more to report
Not that anyone cares since only four people are subscribed to this blog and two of them are Robby’s accounts lol.
Tata
Friday, September 24, 2010
Numb
Well today is a typical boring day for me. I am trapped in my apartment for the day. Not only am I stuck here with nothing to do but I can’t even go on my daily walk because I am waiting for a package that I have to sign for. I do not even have a good time frame. They just said between 10 am to 7pm. Great.
So I am stuck here to stew about how much I miss my friends and family back in LA and how I miss actually having people to go riding with. And od course how much I miss Fen. So this is not very good for my overall moral. I am really bored. So bored I do not feel like doing anything. Weird, I know. Anyway, I feel really numb right now. I say numb because I really cannot feel any kind of emotion right now. I would not say I am really that depressed, but I wouldn’t say I’m happy either. I really hate this feeling.
Anyway, Kooper’s foot is doing much better. He can walk, trot and run around like an idiot. I started ground driving him again, in preparation for starting him under saddle again. He is doing wonderfully and I really cannot wait to ride him on the trail. He seems like he is going to be a really good trail horse. Has a pretty good mind, and when something is bothering him he does not explode like some horses I have been around in the past. He moves to his new ranch next week. Its literally a five minute drive from where he is now. So it should be a fairly easy move for both of us.
So it looks like I will go to dog training school in a couple weeks. I am pretty exited to do this! It’s a really cool opportunity for me. Oh and the cool part is Petco is paying me to go, So I can eventually become the store trainer. Since the other guy goes to school full time and can only work one day a week. Only thing that is ridcolous is that I am going to be a dog trainer without a dog. How stupid is that? Lol.
Anyway I still feel kind of icky but things will get better soon. I hope!
Tata for now!
So I am stuck here to stew about how much I miss my friends and family back in LA and how I miss actually having people to go riding with. And od course how much I miss Fen. So this is not very good for my overall moral. I am really bored. So bored I do not feel like doing anything. Weird, I know. Anyway, I feel really numb right now. I say numb because I really cannot feel any kind of emotion right now. I would not say I am really that depressed, but I wouldn’t say I’m happy either. I really hate this feeling.
Anyway, Kooper’s foot is doing much better. He can walk, trot and run around like an idiot. I started ground driving him again, in preparation for starting him under saddle again. He is doing wonderfully and I really cannot wait to ride him on the trail. He seems like he is going to be a really good trail horse. Has a pretty good mind, and when something is bothering him he does not explode like some horses I have been around in the past. He moves to his new ranch next week. Its literally a five minute drive from where he is now. So it should be a fairly easy move for both of us.
So it looks like I will go to dog training school in a couple weeks. I am pretty exited to do this! It’s a really cool opportunity for me. Oh and the cool part is Petco is paying me to go, So I can eventually become the store trainer. Since the other guy goes to school full time and can only work one day a week. Only thing that is ridcolous is that I am going to be a dog trainer without a dog. How stupid is that? Lol.
Anyway I still feel kind of icky but things will get better soon. I hope!
Tata for now!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A Little Rain Won’t Ruin My Day!
I have been in quite a funk this past week . Being homesick, lonely, stressed ect. But for some reason I woke up today and decided that none of that mattered and I was going to have a good day. And you know what? And even though it rained (which I normally hate) I had a great day today.
Robby had the day off so that was definitely the icing on the cake because:
A. I love him and love spending time with him, I just love being around him!
B. I do not have to be a lone!
The day started off with us going to the ranch to pick up some of Fen's old tack. I am keeping some to use on Kooper. But some of it was a constant reminder of what was lost... SO we decided to take it to a consignment store. I said hello to Kooper (yes, we spell it with a K instead of a C because we are cool like that!). Poor Kooper is stuck in his stall for a couple days while the cut in his hoof heals a bit. He was very exited to see us, But we were just running in the ranch to grab my stuff. I promised him we would be back later to play with him.
So it was a forty minute drive to the store. I really love driving to that store. I love driving through the farm lands and vineyards. So pretty! Anyway we got there and The lady sorted through my stuff and priced it. We looked around since we were already there. It’s a really neat tack store that has used and new stuff. A girl with my kind of tack addiction could get in trouble in there. But I was good and did not buy a thing.
Then we drove to yet another tack store that was in the area. I saw an add for it on craigslist (local classifieds) and just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It was a very cool store! Lots of colors of all sorts of tack and equipment. Yet another store that I could get in trouble in. But I was proud of myself, I only bought a lead rope and a lime green sponge for bathing.
Then we were on our way back to the ranch to play with Kooper. When we got there we were once again greeted with a friendly nicker. Kooper is actually a very vocal horse. Always neighing and making interesting sounds. Anyway I had to out more duct tape over his bandage since he somehow ripped off the original duct tape. Then I decided to walk him to the covered arena for a supervised turnout. I noticed that he was walking almost perfectly. This definitely brought a smile to my face.
I let him go and the first thing he did was roll in the nice soft dirt. Then he jumped up and did a couple of bucking /running laps. That also made me smile because that has to mean he is feeling better. Then after some play we groomed him a bit, gave him his vitamins , then put him away. Also I am getting extremely excited about moving to the new ranch. I can not wait to be around people and for my horse to be around other horses. Yay!
It was all In all a pretty good day. And I was very happy to spend it with my sweetie pie (Rob). I hope I have a few more of these good days.
Until tomorrow, (or whenever I remember to blog)
bye
Robby had the day off so that was definitely the icing on the cake because:
A. I love him and love spending time with him, I just love being around him!
B. I do not have to be a lone!
The day started off with us going to the ranch to pick up some of Fen's old tack. I am keeping some to use on Kooper. But some of it was a constant reminder of what was lost... SO we decided to take it to a consignment store. I said hello to Kooper (yes, we spell it with a K instead of a C because we are cool like that!). Poor Kooper is stuck in his stall for a couple days while the cut in his hoof heals a bit. He was very exited to see us, But we were just running in the ranch to grab my stuff. I promised him we would be back later to play with him.
So it was a forty minute drive to the store. I really love driving to that store. I love driving through the farm lands and vineyards. So pretty! Anyway we got there and The lady sorted through my stuff and priced it. We looked around since we were already there. It’s a really neat tack store that has used and new stuff. A girl with my kind of tack addiction could get in trouble in there. But I was good and did not buy a thing.
Then we drove to yet another tack store that was in the area. I saw an add for it on craigslist (local classifieds) and just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It was a very cool store! Lots of colors of all sorts of tack and equipment. Yet another store that I could get in trouble in. But I was proud of myself, I only bought a lead rope and a lime green sponge for bathing.
Then we were on our way back to the ranch to play with Kooper. When we got there we were once again greeted with a friendly nicker. Kooper is actually a very vocal horse. Always neighing and making interesting sounds. Anyway I had to out more duct tape over his bandage since he somehow ripped off the original duct tape. Then I decided to walk him to the covered arena for a supervised turnout. I noticed that he was walking almost perfectly. This definitely brought a smile to my face.
I let him go and the first thing he did was roll in the nice soft dirt. Then he jumped up and did a couple of bucking /running laps. That also made me smile because that has to mean he is feeling better. Then after some play we groomed him a bit, gave him his vitamins , then put him away. Also I am getting extremely excited about moving to the new ranch. I can not wait to be around people and for my horse to be around other horses. Yay!
It was all In all a pretty good day. And I was very happy to spend it with my sweetie pie (Rob). I hope I have a few more of these good days.
Until tomorrow, (or whenever I remember to blog)
bye
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I am starting To See a Tiny Little Light At the End of the Tunnel
Well, the vet came out for Cooper and he is FINE! Not completely fine, he does have the beginnings of a very nasty abscess. The vet thinks the he actually cut his hoof with something very sharp. But the cut was inside the hoof and that’s why I could not see it. The vet had to sedate Cooper and dig some of his hoof out. Then he cleaned it out and wrapped it with cotton and vet wrap. Then he put a layer of duct tape so the bandage would stay on. Also the vet removed Cooper’s shoe and found some bruising as well. So that was a double negative for poor Cooper.
With all of this being said, I am just happy that he is ok and in a week or two he will be back in training! Which I am pretty exited about! Also it means he will be able to move to his new ranch sooner than later. Which is also pretty exciting.
I am still pretty bummed with how my life is going right now. I really miss my dear Fen and my friends and family in Los Angeles. And I am tired of being alone all the freakin’ time. I’m really hoping that when I move to the new ranch I can meet some friends there or at least trail riding buddies. I would totally be fine with just that. I know almost no one up here. And it’s really hard for me to make friends. I just lose my nerve I guess. But once I get acquainted I am fine from that point on. I just have a problem approaching people and breaking the ice. I should study how Cooper makes friends, he seems to have an easier time then I do.
In addition, to all of that I really want a dog! I know that that is random. But I have always grown up with dogs and I miss having one. I have my cats but it is not the same thing. Cats are more independent and take care of themselves. Dogs need you and depend on you to take them to go potty ect. And I kind of like having to take care of a dog. And I feel like I am more connected to dogs. And I find it Ironic that I will be going to dog training school and do not have a dog. But enough with that....
So like I said I am still feeling a little blue. But things are starting to look up for me. So I am going to end this blog on a positive note right now. Because right as this second I look out at my window and I see the sun peeking out from the clouds. And it makes me smile...
Sigh (of relief)
With all of this being said, I am just happy that he is ok and in a week or two he will be back in training! Which I am pretty exited about! Also it means he will be able to move to his new ranch sooner than later. Which is also pretty exciting.
I am still pretty bummed with how my life is going right now. I really miss my dear Fen and my friends and family in Los Angeles. And I am tired of being alone all the freakin’ time. I’m really hoping that when I move to the new ranch I can meet some friends there or at least trail riding buddies. I would totally be fine with just that. I know almost no one up here. And it’s really hard for me to make friends. I just lose my nerve I guess. But once I get acquainted I am fine from that point on. I just have a problem approaching people and breaking the ice. I should study how Cooper makes friends, he seems to have an easier time then I do.
In addition, to all of that I really want a dog! I know that that is random. But I have always grown up with dogs and I miss having one. I have my cats but it is not the same thing. Cats are more independent and take care of themselves. Dogs need you and depend on you to take them to go potty ect. And I kind of like having to take care of a dog. And I feel like I am more connected to dogs. And I find it Ironic that I will be going to dog training school and do not have a dog. But enough with that....
So like I said I am still feeling a little blue. But things are starting to look up for me. So I am going to end this blog on a positive note right now. Because right as this second I look out at my window and I see the sun peeking out from the clouds. And it makes me smile...
Sigh (of relief)
Friday, September 17, 2010
All That I'm After is a Life Full of Laughter
Well I am still feeling blue.
What can I say? I am lonely, bored and I miss all my LA people really bad. And Im still trying to cope with Fen not being here. I still have not made any friends up here. Robby has already made a few friends at his work. I know no one but his parents. And since I do not have my license yet, I am stuck at the apartment all day by myself unless its Robby's day off or his parents are free to drive me somewhere which these days is rare.
I only go in to Petco once a week for my training, so I have not really had anytime to get to know any of the people that work there.
I feel a little bit worse every day. I am trying really hard to hide it from Robby because I don't want him to worry about me or anything. I have gotten myself down before but this has to be one of the worst times for me.
As for my diet, its failing miserably right now. I fell off the wagon yet again. its just hard to be healthy when you feel mentally unhealthy you know? Maybe I am just meant to be a fatass.
I just want to be happy and be able to laugh again and actually mean it. I know I can get through this. But at the moment it feels hopeless.
The vet is coming out tomorrow to check out Cooper and see what the heck is making him lame. I really hope that it is something that can be fixed and won't cost a billion dollars. If something happens to this horse I have no clue how Ill be able to handle it. He is so young and it would suck if it were something that would haunt him the rest of his life.
I visited Cooper yesterday like I always do. And he was bright and happy to see us as usual. But still Lame. I took him to the arena and made him do some ground work to see if maybe it is something he works out of. Nope still dead lame. We shall see what the vet says tomorrow. When I find out if he can be helped or not Ill decide what day I am going to move him to the new ranch.
I guess ill spend the rest of the day watching tv. nothing else to really do.
I noticed that the clouds are grey today. I guess it matches my mood today.
Sigh
What can I say? I am lonely, bored and I miss all my LA people really bad. And Im still trying to cope with Fen not being here. I still have not made any friends up here. Robby has already made a few friends at his work. I know no one but his parents. And since I do not have my license yet, I am stuck at the apartment all day by myself unless its Robby's day off or his parents are free to drive me somewhere which these days is rare.
I only go in to Petco once a week for my training, so I have not really had anytime to get to know any of the people that work there.
I feel a little bit worse every day. I am trying really hard to hide it from Robby because I don't want him to worry about me or anything. I have gotten myself down before but this has to be one of the worst times for me.
As for my diet, its failing miserably right now. I fell off the wagon yet again. its just hard to be healthy when you feel mentally unhealthy you know? Maybe I am just meant to be a fatass.
I just want to be happy and be able to laugh again and actually mean it. I know I can get through this. But at the moment it feels hopeless.
The vet is coming out tomorrow to check out Cooper and see what the heck is making him lame. I really hope that it is something that can be fixed and won't cost a billion dollars. If something happens to this horse I have no clue how Ill be able to handle it. He is so young and it would suck if it were something that would haunt him the rest of his life.
I visited Cooper yesterday like I always do. And he was bright and happy to see us as usual. But still Lame. I took him to the arena and made him do some ground work to see if maybe it is something he works out of. Nope still dead lame. We shall see what the vet says tomorrow. When I find out if he can be helped or not Ill decide what day I am going to move him to the new ranch.
I guess ill spend the rest of the day watching tv. nothing else to really do.
I noticed that the clouds are grey today. I guess it matches my mood today.
Sigh
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Without a Struggle, There Can Be No Progress
Well Yesterday I went out to the ranch to visit and work with Cooper like I do every day. And When I walked him out of his stall he was dead lame! He could barely walk and practically stumbled out of his stall. I was speechless. I did not know what to think.
So I coaxed him to the tie rail so I can inspect him and see what it could be. Checked all four legs. No swelling, no wounds of any sort, no hot spots, no sore spots, NOTHING VISIBLE! But it was obvious to me that he was in pain by the way he was walking. He was acting the same. Still very friendly and exited to see us. Still as goofy as ever. Since he was so lame I could not really do any training with him so I did a really nice long grooming session and put him up. I gave him some bute to help with the pain.
This morning Robby and I called a vet to come look at him. He won't be able to come look at him till Saturday but we were just glad to get the appointment at all in such short notice.
We went back there to visit him today and he was still dead lame. A tad better but still pretty lame. I have no clue what could be wrong with him but if I lose him I think I will just die. I have only owned him a short while But I am in love with this boy!
I am trying so hard to be a more positive person but its so hard when crap like this keeps happening to me. I have been struggling to be happy but I keep failing epically at it.
We shall see what happens on Saturday. I really hope that Cooper is ok and that this is all just a bad dream.
I swear if I lose one more horse I will lose my mind!!!!!
Sigh
So I coaxed him to the tie rail so I can inspect him and see what it could be. Checked all four legs. No swelling, no wounds of any sort, no hot spots, no sore spots, NOTHING VISIBLE! But it was obvious to me that he was in pain by the way he was walking. He was acting the same. Still very friendly and exited to see us. Still as goofy as ever. Since he was so lame I could not really do any training with him so I did a really nice long grooming session and put him up. I gave him some bute to help with the pain.
This morning Robby and I called a vet to come look at him. He won't be able to come look at him till Saturday but we were just glad to get the appointment at all in such short notice.
We went back there to visit him today and he was still dead lame. A tad better but still pretty lame. I have no clue what could be wrong with him but if I lose him I think I will just die. I have only owned him a short while But I am in love with this boy!
I am trying so hard to be a more positive person but its so hard when crap like this keeps happening to me. I have been struggling to be happy but I keep failing epically at it.
We shall see what happens on Saturday. I really hope that Cooper is ok and that this is all just a bad dream.
I swear if I lose one more horse I will lose my mind!!!!!
Sigh
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Deer Season
Well apparently, here in northern CA its deer hunting season.
A couple of days ago I was at my ranch for my daily visit with Cooper. I had him at the tie rail grooming him when I saw this very tall man dressed in camo gear and a huge bow and arrow approaching me. He walked up to me and told me that he was a friend of the ranch owner. He said that Steve (ranch owner) lets him come on his land and hunt the deer that live there, since they over populate the land. I really did not say much back to him as I was stunned. I just returned to grooming my horse with a disgusted look on my face.
I am aware that people hunt for a food source. And I guess I understand that. Maybe. However, people that hunt them for fun make me sick. I mean this person has 44 acres of land that he does nothing with. So it’s not like the deer are doing anything negative to the land. I really just could not believe it.
So to me this is the last straw with this ranch. I am tired of all the bull that is going on there. The owner has the strangest people living on his property. I am not one to judge because I am in no way normal. But I’m talking about drug dealers and people like that.
When I first came to this ranch I was aware that he rented trailers to a few people. he told me that they are quiet people and would not cause any trouble. They pretty much leave me alone but I do not like the shady dealings that are going on there. I am not even going to write about them because I am so furious. But I will say that one of the tenants is drunk 99.9 percent of the time and carries a gun around with him. Lovely right?
It has gotten to the point where I do not like being there alone for long periods of times. Robby and I both agreed that for me to move to a new ranch that actually has people for me to ride with. I am the only boarder at my ranch. After my second week at this ranch the three other boarders took their horses and stuff and got the hell out of there. This should have been my sign. But I like to give things a chance. But its coming down to me and my horses safety.
When I first moved to this ranch. I saw it as a diamond on the rough. And I did like the huge covered arena and the all day turnout for my horse so I decided to give it a chance. Sigh.
So Robby and I are going to look at a couple of places tomorrow and hopefully I will be out of that hell hole soon.
I haven’t been doing as much with Cooper as I should because I have been really depressed the past couple days about the ranch situation and me being a little homesick and of course losing Fen. Of course having horrible menstrual cramps did not really help my mood either. It’s also not really safe to be training a young horse while dumbasses are in the hills shooting off their guns. I promised Cooper that as soon as we move I will be more serious with his training. Hope later I will go and at least hang out with him. Until then I will be sitting here feeling icky. I really need something good to happen. Sigh.
bye for now
A couple of days ago I was at my ranch for my daily visit with Cooper. I had him at the tie rail grooming him when I saw this very tall man dressed in camo gear and a huge bow and arrow approaching me. He walked up to me and told me that he was a friend of the ranch owner. He said that Steve (ranch owner) lets him come on his land and hunt the deer that live there, since they over populate the land. I really did not say much back to him as I was stunned. I just returned to grooming my horse with a disgusted look on my face.
I am aware that people hunt for a food source. And I guess I understand that. Maybe. However, people that hunt them for fun make me sick. I mean this person has 44 acres of land that he does nothing with. So it’s not like the deer are doing anything negative to the land. I really just could not believe it.
So to me this is the last straw with this ranch. I am tired of all the bull that is going on there. The owner has the strangest people living on his property. I am not one to judge because I am in no way normal. But I’m talking about drug dealers and people like that.
When I first came to this ranch I was aware that he rented trailers to a few people. he told me that they are quiet people and would not cause any trouble. They pretty much leave me alone but I do not like the shady dealings that are going on there. I am not even going to write about them because I am so furious. But I will say that one of the tenants is drunk 99.9 percent of the time and carries a gun around with him. Lovely right?
It has gotten to the point where I do not like being there alone for long periods of times. Robby and I both agreed that for me to move to a new ranch that actually has people for me to ride with. I am the only boarder at my ranch. After my second week at this ranch the three other boarders took their horses and stuff and got the hell out of there. This should have been my sign. But I like to give things a chance. But its coming down to me and my horses safety.
When I first moved to this ranch. I saw it as a diamond on the rough. And I did like the huge covered arena and the all day turnout for my horse so I decided to give it a chance. Sigh.
So Robby and I are going to look at a couple of places tomorrow and hopefully I will be out of that hell hole soon.
I haven’t been doing as much with Cooper as I should because I have been really depressed the past couple days about the ranch situation and me being a little homesick and of course losing Fen. Of course having horrible menstrual cramps did not really help my mood either. It’s also not really safe to be training a young horse while dumbasses are in the hills shooting off their guns. I promised Cooper that as soon as we move I will be more serious with his training. Hope later I will go and at least hang out with him. Until then I will be sitting here feeling icky. I really need something good to happen. Sigh.
bye for now
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Hit Me With Your Best Shot
So I have not written in a couple days. Its sort of hard when you have no internet. I have been stealing the neighbors the past week lol. Anyway hopefully the cable/internet guy will come next week to fix it. Since Robby and I have no freaking clue how to set it up ourselves.
Last night I made amazing tacos. They knocked my socks off. I could probably write a whole post on how amazing my tacos tasted. Ok enough with that.
So my in store training is somewhat almost done at petco. I have like two more hours of computer classes and like three more floor hours. Then I will be able to get more working hours. I still have my dog training classes, I still have no idea when that will happen.
I have been consistent with my training with Cooper. I decided since he is so young I will only ride him about every other day. And the days I do not ride him I will ground drive him and work on ground work.
I will admit that when he bucked the other day it kind of messed my confidence up. But then I realize that I am not a fearful person normally. So I have changed my nervous attitude to a "bring it on!!" attitude. And I think he can feel it because the last couple times I rode him he was much better. a couple days ago I had Robby walk him on a lose lead and I work on trotting and stopping when asked. Then moving forward from the stop when asked. He did much better. Then I rode him off lead back to the tie rail. He did pretty dang good!
Yesterday I just ground drove him, worked more on his walk trot transitions, stopping and backing up. He did great! Later today after my Petco training, I think I will go over there and try to just sit on him, and then ground driving on the trails! I think that sounds pretty good.
I still Miss Fenamore so badly. I go to the ranch and still expect to see that big ol' Head looking my wat....sigh I miss that boy.
Well I am off to start my day. See you all later!
Last night I made amazing tacos. They knocked my socks off. I could probably write a whole post on how amazing my tacos tasted. Ok enough with that.
So my in store training is somewhat almost done at petco. I have like two more hours of computer classes and like three more floor hours. Then I will be able to get more working hours. I still have my dog training classes, I still have no idea when that will happen.
I have been consistent with my training with Cooper. I decided since he is so young I will only ride him about every other day. And the days I do not ride him I will ground drive him and work on ground work.
I will admit that when he bucked the other day it kind of messed my confidence up. But then I realize that I am not a fearful person normally. So I have changed my nervous attitude to a "bring it on!!" attitude. And I think he can feel it because the last couple times I rode him he was much better. a couple days ago I had Robby walk him on a lose lead and I work on trotting and stopping when asked. Then moving forward from the stop when asked. He did much better. Then I rode him off lead back to the tie rail. He did pretty dang good!
Yesterday I just ground drove him, worked more on his walk trot transitions, stopping and backing up. He did great! Later today after my Petco training, I think I will go over there and try to just sit on him, and then ground driving on the trails! I think that sounds pretty good.
I still Miss Fenamore so badly. I go to the ranch and still expect to see that big ol' Head looking my wat....sigh I miss that boy.
Well I am off to start my day. See you all later!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I’ll Take What I Can Get...
Well today was just another ordinary day. Robby and I picked up some items for our new apartment and that’s about it.
We also went to the local feed store to pick Cooper up some rice bran pellets and more fly repellent for him. I really love my local feed store. They always have every feed I could want in stock. At my old feed store in SoCal, they were always out of what I wanted so I would have to go out of my way to another feed store in another city to get what I wanted. Anyway my new store does not have that much tack in stock, But it has some cute things, and the basics. And the people that work there are so friendly.
Anyway we arrived at the ranch and Cooper was in the pasture with the other horses. He walked right over to me and off we went to get groomed. I was definitely going to ride him today no matter what he threw at me. So I started off the session with more ground driving. He really is very good at it. Then I mounted. He is so good when I mount, does not even budge. Then I asked him to move forward and I got the backing up crap again. I squeezed him more and he backed up more. So I had Robby grab a rein and walk him around again. Then he let go and I was in full control.
I walked him around and practiced stopping then asking him to walk on. He did pretty good. Not as good as I know he can do, But he is three and I have only been working with him for two weeks so I'll take it! Then Robby opened the gate so I can ride him to the hitching rail. I asked him to walk forward and he backed up again. So instead of getting mad, I had Robby walk him to the gate and the rest was great! I even trotted up the little hill Leading to the hitching rail.
All in all I think the session went pretty well. This horse really does want to learn. I think he is just confused about all the change in his young life. And that’s ok with me. We will definitely get through it together. One of these days I will post a pic of Mr. Cooper.
I am still having a hard time with the loss of Fen leaving. Everday it is suppose to feel a little better But I still feel empty. Cooper has big shoes to fill for sure..
Oh and I kicked my own ass in the gym today. was on the treadmill for over an hour running and speed walking.
time to shower and eat my dinner.
We also went to the local feed store to pick Cooper up some rice bran pellets and more fly repellent for him. I really love my local feed store. They always have every feed I could want in stock. At my old feed store in SoCal, they were always out of what I wanted so I would have to go out of my way to another feed store in another city to get what I wanted. Anyway my new store does not have that much tack in stock, But it has some cute things, and the basics. And the people that work there are so friendly.
Anyway we arrived at the ranch and Cooper was in the pasture with the other horses. He walked right over to me and off we went to get groomed. I was definitely going to ride him today no matter what he threw at me. So I started off the session with more ground driving. He really is very good at it. Then I mounted. He is so good when I mount, does not even budge. Then I asked him to move forward and I got the backing up crap again. I squeezed him more and he backed up more. So I had Robby grab a rein and walk him around again. Then he let go and I was in full control.
I walked him around and practiced stopping then asking him to walk on. He did pretty good. Not as good as I know he can do, But he is three and I have only been working with him for two weeks so I'll take it! Then Robby opened the gate so I can ride him to the hitching rail. I asked him to walk forward and he backed up again. So instead of getting mad, I had Robby walk him to the gate and the rest was great! I even trotted up the little hill Leading to the hitching rail.
All in all I think the session went pretty well. This horse really does want to learn. I think he is just confused about all the change in his young life. And that’s ok with me. We will definitely get through it together. One of these days I will post a pic of Mr. Cooper.
I am still having a hard time with the loss of Fen leaving. Everday it is suppose to feel a little better But I still feel empty. Cooper has big shoes to fill for sure..
Oh and I kicked my own ass in the gym today. was on the treadmill for over an hour running and speed walking.
time to shower and eat my dinner.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Today I lost my best friend, But Gained a Guardian Angel
Well Fen has left for his new home today, Heaven.
He went peacefully and that’s all I could have ever asked for. I arranged for this whole process to be done when I knew that all the people at my ranch would not be there, so it could be quiet. And I got that wish granted.
Fen, thank you for giving me the best two years of my life. You taught me how to love, trust and come outside my comfort zone. I could not thank you enough for all of this that you blessed me with. I am a bit too emotional to go on with this little speech.
*Tears*
When I am feeling a little bit better I will make a memorial video to express myself.
After all of this happened, Robby got off work and I still wanted to work with Cooper. I had to do something to make myself feel better. But we decided to leave the ranch for a while to grab a snack and to get some air…
Then I went back to the ranch to work with Cooper. It was so weird not seeing Dear Fen there… Cooper was happy to see me as always. He has not been allowed in the pasture for a couple of day because he had a small swelling on his left leg, So I wanted to let him rest for a couple of days. He is totally fine now. So I got there and pulled Cooper out of his stall. Gave him a good grooming and then tacked him up. I walked to the arena and mounted and my saddle slipped! So I got off, fixed it, then got back on. Then I gently squeezed him and asked him to walk and he just planted his feet and would not budge! I asked again and he started to back up. I asked again and he gave me two really good bucks then reared up pretty high. So I got off of him and checked his tack to make sure it was all ok.
Everything was fine so I lunged him for a couple of minutes to get some of the energy out. Got back on and asked him to walk forward. He started backed up again! So I got off again and ground drove him with my lunge lines for about ten minutes drilling him on stopping and going when I ask. He did great with that so I got back on him. I asked him to go and he started to back up yet again! At this point I was mad at myself for letting him think he can get away with these shenanigans. Luckily Robby was there and I asked him to grab the reins and walk Cooper around with me on him. This seemed to have done the trick because after a few steps Robby let go and we were walking on our own once again.
We had a couple more small issues, but I made sure to end on a good note. It was not our greatest training day. I tried to make the best of it. I hope this is just a rebellious stage and that we will work through it. Also he could have been feeling my negative energy from what happened earlier. Robby says he has faith in my training abilities and that I will be able to do it. I think so too. I will be at it again tomorrow for sure.
I guess I don’t have as much faith in myself as I should. Well I will definitely not give up. I have given up on too many things in my life and that has got me nowhere in life.
Time for me to go to bed and reflect on what has happened today.
He went peacefully and that’s all I could have ever asked for. I arranged for this whole process to be done when I knew that all the people at my ranch would not be there, so it could be quiet. And I got that wish granted.
Fen, thank you for giving me the best two years of my life. You taught me how to love, trust and come outside my comfort zone. I could not thank you enough for all of this that you blessed me with. I am a bit too emotional to go on with this little speech.
*Tears*
When I am feeling a little bit better I will make a memorial video to express myself.
After all of this happened, Robby got off work and I still wanted to work with Cooper. I had to do something to make myself feel better. But we decided to leave the ranch for a while to grab a snack and to get some air…
Then I went back to the ranch to work with Cooper. It was so weird not seeing Dear Fen there… Cooper was happy to see me as always. He has not been allowed in the pasture for a couple of day because he had a small swelling on his left leg, So I wanted to let him rest for a couple of days. He is totally fine now. So I got there and pulled Cooper out of his stall. Gave him a good grooming and then tacked him up. I walked to the arena and mounted and my saddle slipped! So I got off, fixed it, then got back on. Then I gently squeezed him and asked him to walk and he just planted his feet and would not budge! I asked again and he started to back up. I asked again and he gave me two really good bucks then reared up pretty high. So I got off of him and checked his tack to make sure it was all ok.
Everything was fine so I lunged him for a couple of minutes to get some of the energy out. Got back on and asked him to walk forward. He started backed up again! So I got off again and ground drove him with my lunge lines for about ten minutes drilling him on stopping and going when I ask. He did great with that so I got back on him. I asked him to go and he started to back up yet again! At this point I was mad at myself for letting him think he can get away with these shenanigans. Luckily Robby was there and I asked him to grab the reins and walk Cooper around with me on him. This seemed to have done the trick because after a few steps Robby let go and we were walking on our own once again.
We had a couple more small issues, but I made sure to end on a good note. It was not our greatest training day. I tried to make the best of it. I hope this is just a rebellious stage and that we will work through it. Also he could have been feeling my negative energy from what happened earlier. Robby says he has faith in my training abilities and that I will be able to do it. I think so too. I will be at it again tomorrow for sure.
I guess I don’t have as much faith in myself as I should. Well I will definitely not give up. I have given up on too many things in my life and that has got me nowhere in life.
Time for me to go to bed and reflect on what has happened today.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Life Is like a Box of Chocolates... You Never Know What You're Gonna Get Next
Well....
Tomorrow is the day that I send my best friend over the rainbow bridge. The reality is really setting in now…I just feel so numb right now. Don’t know whether to cry or be angry.
I just hope that He will be happier when he goes to heaven and that he will never forget me. Today I just hung out in his stall grooming him and petting him. Just could not stop staring at him.
I had my third ride on Cooper back yesterday to help get my mind off whats going on with Fen. And we rode outside the arena. Yes, I know that was stupid! But for some reason I have a lot of trust in this horse. I just rode him for about five minutes since he does not have the proper muscle tone yet. We are just working on our "whoa" and our steering. Also working on leg pressure.
Today I just ground drove him since it was so hot and I wanted to give him a break. They we played “tag” in the arena. He is really playful but not rough at all. He is very sweet and I already feel like I have a really good strong bond with him. Not quite the same thing I had going on with Fen but it did make me feel good.
I hope I can be strong tomorrow.
Tomorrow is the day that I send my best friend over the rainbow bridge. The reality is really setting in now…I just feel so numb right now. Don’t know whether to cry or be angry.
I just hope that He will be happier when he goes to heaven and that he will never forget me. Today I just hung out in his stall grooming him and petting him. Just could not stop staring at him.
I had my third ride on Cooper back yesterday to help get my mind off whats going on with Fen. And we rode outside the arena. Yes, I know that was stupid! But for some reason I have a lot of trust in this horse. I just rode him for about five minutes since he does not have the proper muscle tone yet. We are just working on our "whoa" and our steering. Also working on leg pressure.
Today I just ground drove him since it was so hot and I wanted to give him a break. They we played “tag” in the arena. He is really playful but not rough at all. He is very sweet and I already feel like I have a really good strong bond with him. Not quite the same thing I had going on with Fen but it did make me feel good.
I hope I can be strong tomorrow.
Friday, September 3, 2010
getting back on the weight loss wagon
Well just as the title says, I am soon getting back on the weight loss wagon. two years ago I joined weight watchers, and lost almost a hundred pounds with them. In addition, managed to keep most of it off for a year. Then things started changing and changing faster than I could have prepared myself for. And with that my dieting and exercise went out the window.
At first i was not gaining much weight, a pound here a pound there. So I figured I could eat what I want and get away with it. Then when I quit my job at the kennel, that’s when it all really came back. I guess since all the physical activity basically disappeared and I kept eating all the junk I had it coming. I know what I need to do but for some reason it seems harder now then it was two years ago. I need to suck it up and just do it, I know this. Its just so Hard when you live with a guy who is naturally thin and can eat what ever he freaking wants.
I would not be making a big deal over a couple of pounds. But I gained thirty pounds, that’s not a small number when it comes to pounds. I’m not doing it for anyone else but myself and for all horses that have to carry my fat ass around. I don’t want to be some skinny itty bitty girl, Just a normal healthy weight. So I will be doing weight watchers online and exercising in my new gym..
On the subject of my dear Fen, I made the appointment to send him to greener pastures on the 6th. its so soon but I don't think I can stand seeing him like this any longer. I have done research as well as talked to some experts and they all agree if it was ringbone or the broken coffin bone, that fen could probably cope and get better with time. But suffering with both is a double whammy and he would never be the same again. As I am writing this my eyes are filling with tears. Gosh I really hate the idea of him being gone....
Well I must return to unpacking...sigh
At first i was not gaining much weight, a pound here a pound there. So I figured I could eat what I want and get away with it. Then when I quit my job at the kennel, that’s when it all really came back. I guess since all the physical activity basically disappeared and I kept eating all the junk I had it coming. I know what I need to do but for some reason it seems harder now then it was two years ago. I need to suck it up and just do it, I know this. Its just so Hard when you live with a guy who is naturally thin and can eat what ever he freaking wants.
I would not be making a big deal over a couple of pounds. But I gained thirty pounds, that’s not a small number when it comes to pounds. I’m not doing it for anyone else but myself and for all horses that have to carry my fat ass around. I don’t want to be some skinny itty bitty girl, Just a normal healthy weight. So I will be doing weight watchers online and exercising in my new gym..
On the subject of my dear Fen, I made the appointment to send him to greener pastures on the 6th. its so soon but I don't think I can stand seeing him like this any longer. I have done research as well as talked to some experts and they all agree if it was ringbone or the broken coffin bone, that fen could probably cope and get better with time. But suffering with both is a double whammy and he would never be the same again. As I am writing this my eyes are filling with tears. Gosh I really hate the idea of him being gone....
Well I must return to unpacking...sigh
Thursday, September 2, 2010
There Is a Storm in my Belly
Well I woke up this morning wit one of the worst stomach aches I have ever had. I guess I ate to much pizza and wings last night. Guess this is the real sign that I need to start eating healthier.
We moved to our new apartment on Tuesday. We had to wait an extra month for it, because the lady who lived in it before us totally trashed the place. It is gorgeous!! So worth the wait!! I don't know if I mentioned it but we had to stay with Robby's dad while we waited for the apartment to be ready. It was actually fun. He lives in a beautiful neighborhood. But there was a lack of privacy issue. But we all got a long just great for the six weeks we were there. I’m sure his dad is happy to be rid of all our crazy cats though.
So yesterday I took my driving test, and failed it for the third freaking time! I always do really good then do something silly right at the end to ruin it for myself! I he asked me to make the final left, be he kept shouting it at me and I panicked and did a U-Turn instead, it was legal but he failed me for that anyway. Tests make me so nervous!! And the worst part is after you fail it for the third time your permit expires and you have to get that all over again before you can even drive a car again. SIGH. Guess I got to try all the freaking DMVs in California to get a license, I have to pass at one of them right?
Fen is not doing much better. He is not even eating. I just do not know what to do. Well I do know what to do, but that involves losing one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
On a more positive note, I adopted this 3yr thoroughbred horse (that I have been calling "Cooper"). I know Fen's time is coming to an end. And I can never replace him But Robby and I felt that if I had another horse when Fen's time came it might be a little easier for me to handle that harsh reality. Anyway When I got Cooper he was not trained at all. And I have been working on his manners and getting him ready to ride. I finally got some nerve and I had my first ride on him Tuesday night and he was excellent!! It made me feel so good that I can start a horse decently. Yay!
Well that's all for now. Ill just be sitting here praying for death till this stomach ache goes away.
Bleh
We moved to our new apartment on Tuesday. We had to wait an extra month for it, because the lady who lived in it before us totally trashed the place. It is gorgeous!! So worth the wait!! I don't know if I mentioned it but we had to stay with Robby's dad while we waited for the apartment to be ready. It was actually fun. He lives in a beautiful neighborhood. But there was a lack of privacy issue. But we all got a long just great for the six weeks we were there. I’m sure his dad is happy to be rid of all our crazy cats though.
So yesterday I took my driving test, and failed it for the third freaking time! I always do really good then do something silly right at the end to ruin it for myself! I he asked me to make the final left, be he kept shouting it at me and I panicked and did a U-Turn instead, it was legal but he failed me for that anyway. Tests make me so nervous!! And the worst part is after you fail it for the third time your permit expires and you have to get that all over again before you can even drive a car again. SIGH. Guess I got to try all the freaking DMVs in California to get a license, I have to pass at one of them right?
Fen is not doing much better. He is not even eating. I just do not know what to do. Well I do know what to do, but that involves losing one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
On a more positive note, I adopted this 3yr thoroughbred horse (that I have been calling "Cooper"). I know Fen's time is coming to an end. And I can never replace him But Robby and I felt that if I had another horse when Fen's time came it might be a little easier for me to handle that harsh reality. Anyway When I got Cooper he was not trained at all. And I have been working on his manners and getting him ready to ride. I finally got some nerve and I had my first ride on him Tuesday night and he was excellent!! It made me feel so good that I can start a horse decently. Yay!
Well that's all for now. Ill just be sitting here praying for death till this stomach ache goes away.
Bleh
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